How Many Rooms in My Head?
Last night I had a dream. My husband an I were renovating a vast old home. Rooms were numerous and work was going on all around. I had an herbal class I needed to teach, but there was so much other work I kept losing my way and teaching the wrong thing and frustrating myself and my students.
I woke peacefully enough and knew, of course, what my dream was telling me. How many of us have too much going on in our heads? We are fed the lie, "you can do it all, and have it all. There's nothing that can stop you from fulfilling all your dreams." And yet, there is. There is the beautiful realization that a peaceful life demands a slowing down, a refining of priorities. It means saying "no" to myself and others and only saying "yes" to the necessary wonderfuls of life, whether they are delicious, dangerous or just good old mundanities.
Spring flings herself against my head and I want to take on the garden, my goats, the shop, sewing more clothes, dinners with friends, singing, grandchildren, long walks with the dogs. road trips with my husband. I have a million wonderfuls in my life. A billion blessings. And I must choose. Or I will not find peace in my head, or enjoy all that I have and all those I love.
Over and over again I come to this place. To be good at something does not mean I have to do it. To enjoy creating does not mean I need to make money at it. Just because others want me to participate, does not mean I need to. I love to please. How many of us don't?
This spring I will please myself. I will listen to the happy chewing of my goat as I lean against her flank and milk creamy streams into my stainless steel bowl. I will walk the dogs and let my husband lay his head on my lap in the evening. I will choose a gentle Spring this year.